Just Kidding?

So, I totally said I was ready to start fresh, get things going, get back in the saddle, and all that jazz. Then "things" happened. So, I'm going to do this, I'm trying for Saturday, March 1st. That gives me 2 months before I want to go to California. That is also 3 months of PROCRASTINATION, but what are you gonna do, when you seem to be a master at it? Seriously... I should have like a degree in it or something. Oh wait.... it did take me 2 extra years to get my degree. Dammit.

Okay! So! Game Face! Shit is going to go down, and it's going to be real! I can't be this way forever, nor do I want to be.

Thanks for all the support guys!!

Fell off the wagon?? Pretty much broke it....

So, the plan was to get my collective shit together while I was off work. I was going to work on some things at home, and take time to do some me stuff. Well..... I guess that kind've worked... I did absolutely nothing for 5 days. Like, I did dishes when needed, and did some rudimentary cleaning... but nothing like I wanted to. I watched lots of TV and read a book, and played games with the kids. Oh, and I slept... a lot. It was awesome! 

But it's all okay! I think this benefited me more so than anything I set forth a few days ago. I needed to do nothing. It was liberating! But after eating absolutely everything I could lay my mitts on, and not tracking a single thing... and not doing ANY exercise... I'm pretty much ready to start again. My MFP food log starts at midnight, so I'm going to keep track starting then. But I'm ready, and I'm excited, and I'm going to do this to the best of my ability. I'll post my weight on Wednesday, although I'm pretty sure that I've gained a ton... But I need the accountability now. 

I'm back, baby!

Mental Break... or Breakdown.... My choice

So, every other week, I have Wednesdays and then the weekend off, working the Thursday and Friday in between. As I mentioned in my last post, I have stalled on everything I set out to do this month, and even though I tried to pump myself up, I just couldn't, even with encouraging words from friends. Well, this week, I am taking that Thurs and Fri off, so I have 5 days off. That's unheard of for me. Like seriously. I'm the person who will take 3 shifts of overtime each paycheck. At my previous job, I worked the entire month of May last year, except for the 4th (May the 4th Be With You tee hee). That's how much I usually work. When I left my previous position and started my current job, I left on a Friday and started on Monday. No break. It's just not the way I work. 

BUT!! I'm just not doing so well mentally right now. Not saying that I ever was ;) but I have grown indifferent to everything. I think that's what stalled all I was doing. I got super excited at the beginning of the year, but then it was just another added thing. So, during these 5 days of Break, I will be literally taking a Break. I'm going to clean my house and declutter it. I'm going to do the same thing mentally. Find out whats going on up top (not a whole hell of a lot I'm sure lol). And I'm going to start taking a serious look at my schedule, because I'm over doing it. I have work, Hubby, the Kids, my Mom (who's not in the best of health, and I'm her only source of transportation), Cub Scouts (I'm a leader), Girl Scouts, Rainbow Girls, etc... I'm about to have a Breakdown, I think. 

The weather is starting to cooperate, so I think, if I get things straightened out, I might try to take the kids for a walk this weekend. I'm not going to make any lofty promises yet, because I need to get everything else taken care of first. I will also look into lightening all of my current recipes. I'm going to be a fiend on MFP with the Recipe creator for a while lol. 

Needed to get this off my chest, thanks for all the support that YOU have sent my way!

So... Let's be real a minute

So I need to be real for a minute.Apparently I can't make promises... because I can't keep them. Wow. Not to myself, at least. I said I was going to work out every day... I said I was going to try and blog every day in February.... I said I was going to do the Back on Pointe exercises.... I said I was going to try and walk a mile consecutively every day....I said I was going to track all my food on myfitnesspal.... I even said I was going to start the Couch to 5k program..... NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!!!! Not a frakkin thing! I got bored, I got lazy, I got tired, did I mention lazy? 

For frak's sake! Nothing, and I mean nooooootttttthhhhiiiinnnnggggg seems to be very motivating. I haven't been eating badly, I just haven't been doing anything else. I think it's the cold. It SAPS the energy. *SSSSSLLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPPP* Gone. Energy no more. 

The weather is on an upswing though, with temps heading into the 60's... so I need to get my fat ass out there and walk, move around... do something! 

I'm going to be getting my computer back on Monday (hopefully, if all goes according to plan) and so hopefully I will be able to blog a lot more. I hate using the work computer because I have to share, and don't always get to spend the time I want, or use the pics I want. So... that should be better.

Here's to the future (hopefully more productive too)

Can Alaska please take it's weather back??

I don't do the cold weather. I just don't. I was born in California and raised there until I was 11, and even though I have lived in Oklahoma a lot longer, I am NOT used to this cold ass weather. I hate it. Most of the time, it's not big deal. I just stay inside, cuddle up in a blanket with a good book or a movie and forget that the outside exists. But now I need to get healthy. Shit. 

I need to acknowledge that the frozen tundra out there not only exists, but needs to be tread upon. By me. Nooooo.... Dang it, it's cold outside!! There aren't enough layers that I can put on to justify going out there in 13 degree weather. I know my bestie Karen would call me a wussie, but I'm just not, not, not a good candidate for the cold. Ugh!!! 

Guess I'm just going to have to suck it up... I've seriously been putting off my walking... streak be damned... Couch to 5k be damned... I'll catch up. Cold is nothing to mess with! Yesterday I got frozen out of my car at 6 am (the key wouldn't turn enough to unlock the car) for 10 minutes when the wind chill was -10 degrees and I seriously wanted to cry... but didn't because I knew it would just freeze on my face and make it worse. Have I mentioned I hate the cold?

And the plank challenge that the Shrinking Jeans ladies are doing (also, there are planks on my Back on Pointe exercises) forget it! Did you know that you have to have a core to do that crap?? 30 seconds? I can't make it 4. I'm still trying though. I hold it as long as I can. Drop. Get back up and try again. I seriously have no idea what is holding my upper body up because apparently it's not my "core" muscles. As I said though... I'm not giving up... just bitching for a minute. Thanks for listening!

My "Get up and Go" done got up and went...

I don't know what the hell happened??!! One minute I'm talking about routines and streaks and getting myself serious and the next day I'm seriously like "frak it!" What the hell happened? Too much at one time? 

I think I know part of the problem. As I mentioned in my last post, I didnt sleep, like at all. After I posted that, I got off work and took my mom to the store and ran errands and did a few other things, in effect, staying up for 24 hours. I got about 3 hours of broken sleep when I got home and then had to work again. Barely made it through the night at work and slept on and off on Tuesday and Wednesday and didn't do a whole hell of a lot else. I think that was my problem. I knocked myself out of rotation in a bad way, and it really screwed me over. 

So! Today is a new day! I'm only 3 days off, and I can make up for it. I slept last night (night off) so I will be working around the house most of the day and dancing my ass off while I'm at it. I've got to get out of this rut! If it wasn't 11 degrees outside I would probably walk too, but forget that noise!! The hubs can walk his dog today (The cold and I do not do well together)!

Keep on keeping on ladies! Sorry I got side tracked, but no more!

Did today even happen??

 Hee hee... don't we all?

 



So today was not a great day. Like, at all. I barely feel like I've slept, which is weird, because I also feel like I've lain in bed all day. Yes, I work 3rd shift, so really, I am supposed to sleep during the day, but today was just different. The Hubs worked a double and the kids were gone, which left me the house to myself. You would think that would be awesome. Not so much. Seemed like I couldn't sleep much, I then woke up to take lunch to Hubs, then tried to go back to sleep, just to be woken up less than 2 hours later. Tried to sleep again, and made it less than 3 hours.

At 5pm I said screw it. I was up. And I didn't get to sleep at all after that. I did manage to walk the dog for a mile, so Day 1 of the walking streak is done. I need to get one of those handy app thingers that track that crap for me, so I can post it. :) 

I also did the Back on Pointe exercise for Sunday. What the fudge man... hard!! I'm hoping it won't take long to get into a groove that doesn't end in pain. I mean, it's a good pain... but come on lol.

I'm also posting a before picture. I will never be this size again. Ever. I don't usually do this, and I debated posting it on Facebook, but not all of my friends and family are supportive. So I quickly scrapped that idea.

Sorry for the look of death... I took this today after the not so great sleep. 

The Meaning behind Fat to Happy

I guess it's pretty self explanatory, but really, it's kinda not (yup, going for depth tonight). When I entered my very first post, I told a little bit about myself and where I started from (you can see that here). But what does it truly mean to go from Fat to Happy? I have felt fat for a long time now. It's who I am, and I would laugh about it and joke around, but inside, I hated myself for it. It wasn't a fast rise, but more of a gradual increase over the years... never more than 10 or 15 pounds a year (like what, 2 to 3 pounds or so a month?). Doesn't sound like much, but over the course of 8 years? Yeah.... sucks some fat booty.

But I saw this picture (posted above), and at first, I really didn't pay much attention to it. It was Truth as I saw it, but what was I going to do about it? I was fat. I was unhappy. I was whatever about everything. Then, right before Christmas 2013, I saw it again. I'd had kind of a breakdown, and was really tired of the way things were. I realized that this was part of my problem! I'm letting this ick define who I am. And guess what? I didn't like it. That's not who I am! I'm a mom, a wife, a cook, I am a great shot with a weapon (target practice only), I'm a nerd, and so much, much more. But I'm not fat. I have fat.

And at that moment, sitting on the couch crying my eyes out, I realized that change is definitely more than possible. It was going to happen. I searched online and found the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, and through their website, I found their Facebook page, and I couldn't have been more ecstatic. To find a great group of supportive women who have been there, and won't judge, won't trash talk, only help and lift each other up... wow! I'm feel truly blessed to have found that group.

So for me, the first change was a mental adjustment. I'm not fat, I have fat. But I am unhappy. So what do I need to do to get happy? I need to make positive changes to myself and my surroundings. I made quite a few changes in January, but kind of fell off the proverbial wagon halfway through. I picked myself back up (hell, nobody is perfect) and I'm ready for February.

My goals are to do the Back on Pointe exercises, ( I did do it today!) which kicked my ass... I would suggest not trying to do them right after eating... my bad! lol

I'm also going to blog everyday to keep myself accountable. They won't be this long I'm sure, but this post was weighing on my mind.

I'm also going to follow Desiree's example and start an exercise streak (don't worry, no nekkid-ness or anything like that) which, from what I understand (and I might not lol) is that you do something for 30 days. I believe she's doing a mile a day in one go, not like what accumulates on a pedometer or activity monitor throughout the day. I think I too shall do a mile a day (starting tomorrow, since today is pretty much over.)

Speaking of 30 day challenges, Andy is also doing one where she's cutting sweets. I believe I will do that as well. I've pretty much done it, but the occasional (and sometimes binge splurge) sweet has happened. I will prevail!

So, at the start of the month here are my stats:
Weight:185.6 (lost 5.6 in January)
Bust: 43"
Waist: 37"
Hips: 44"
Legs: 24"

Let's hope all those numbers go down by March 1st!!!