Busted....



So I've done my squats, I've walked at least a mile today, and danced erratically like a loon in my kitchen while I made some bomb ass soup. When I was done, I sat impatiently waiting, while said bomb soup cooked and smelled amazing, and I found a Butterfinger in my work bag (don't ask what it was doing there... I don't remember it being there). Well... I was hungry.... so I started munching... and my son turns around and says "Mom! Are you eating candy before dinner?!" Oh the shame.... of course I had already finished it when he caught me, so I couldn't even stop what I was doing.

Well, I logged it, and I moved on. I walked a little longer than I would have and played with the dog, and called it good. I'm not going to let a candy bar get the best of me. But I will say this. I had a very interesting chat with a friend, and I have an addiction to candy. REAL candy. Sugar free won't cut it, won't curb it, won't stop the craving. So I think what I will do, when I'm really craving some candy, is get some fun size candy, instead of the full size (or king size... just saying).

Today was too cold to walk at the cemetery, but I heard tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful. I will see if the hubby will walk with me, but if not, I will go by myself. I need to see what kind of distance we are talking with that trek. :)

See ya'll tomorrow... hopefully the scale won't say 184.2.... I'll even take higher at this point... I'm tired of that number for the last fraking month!

Getting a New Game Plan

Alright! After all the wonderful encouragement, and many people telling me not to quit (and one threatening to drive up and kick my ass.... you know you are lol) I have come up with a new game plan! There is a cemetery right by where I work... hang with me a second... I know this sounds morbid. But it's really hilly, and large, with lots of space to walk, and barely any traffic (so I don't have to worry about other "walkers" {lol... oh... I hope there are no Walking Dead walkers anyway}) and with the hills, there will definitely be a challenge for me. 



The arrows pointing up are actually going up hill. Can't wait!

 



Also, I'm really going to cut the junk food. Of course, I forgot to bring something tonight, but I will bring snacks to work and I will log absolutely everything that passes these lips. I need to be accountable for everything. I'm also going to start doing the squats again after using the restroom... That can get quite a few taken care of in a day lol!

I'm going to lighten up some recipes too, but I have to sneak it past the hubs, so he is unaware of what I'm doing... he's fully convinced that it won't taste good if it's not full of fat. Whatever. We will see about that! I plan on making soup from Scary's Kitchen tomorrow night and I can't wait to try it! I can't wait to see what else she comes up with :)

Talk to ya'll soon!

Motivation - Time x Frustration = Nothing

Maybe what I really wanted 

Was to prove that I could do things right.- Mulan

You know, I almost wrote this last night, which would have been a huge mistake. The title would have read something like "Frak this shit, I'm done!" and the body would have been much the same. I've had time to calmly reflect and think about what I want to say now, and I think it will be a little better... at least I hope. ;)

So, here's the breakdown. We've been in these challenge groups for 4 weeks. That's 4 weigh ins (they were actually unofficial, but it is something to keep us accountable to the group), and we've been keeping pretty good tabs with each other ever day through our group page. Adah has probably been my strongest supporter (whether she knows it or not). 

But I'm going to jump back just a little further... back back back to when I started this, started everything, around the first of the year. I started out at 191.2... I tried to follow the squat and push-up challenge, but quickly found out that I'm forgetful and couldn't remember to do it every day, no matter how hard I tried. I increased my activity, lowered the junk, quit soda, and while I struggled, I made it down to 187 by March 12... WTF? 4.2 pounds in 3 1/2 months??? Oh for fraks sake! 

So when Shrinking Jeans started their next challenge, I was all on board, thinking I would be better! I joined my group (enter Adah and the Ladies) and plotted with them to lose. Started the challenge on 3/12 at 187, and the following week I lost 2.4! Woo! On 3/19 I was at 184.2... I increased activity, lowered junk even more (occasional poker games and trips eating out though, but made up for it with exercise after), aaaannnnndddd nothing! I would fluctuate. I would even drop to 183 the day before weigh in... but come Wednesday? 184.2. Shit. Ok... so this is what it looked like (cause the text can be confusing):

3/12: 187

3/19: 184.2

3/26: 184.2

4/2: 184.2

4/9: 184.2

Ahhh! What is that??? I'm even walking MORE since the 3rd because Laura T. and Karen and I have a walking/biking mileage challenge, which I'm actually doing pretty well at! It's been a week and I've accomplished about 10 miles of the 50 mile challenge... more than I actually thought I would lol.

So what the actual fuck is up with my weight then? And don't give me the "maybe your body shape/measurements are changing" because I have measured every which way I can. Nothing has changed. I'm pretty pissed. Pretty despondent. I could eat my weight in hot wings or eat salad for a week straight... doesn't fraking matter. UGH! Any thoughts would be great right now...... Cause I'm just about done caring and close to accepting DUFF status (that's Designated Ugly Fat Friend if you didn't know). 

Thanks for letting me rant!

Very Good Advice

Very Good Advice From "Alice in Wonderland"I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it
That explains the trouble that I'm always in

Be patient, is very good advice
But the waiting makes me curious
And I'd love the change
Should something strange begin

Well I went along my merry way
And I never stopped to reason
I should have know there'd be a price to pay
Someday...someday

I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

Boy I don't know what's got me on the Disney kick, but this is so appropriate right now! I will figure something out, give myself a good pep talk/advice, but then I don't ever act on it! Or I get in a rush and make bad choices because I'm unprepared.

I didn't go to the store yesterday on my day off, because we were on a schedule. So then when we got up today, we had nothing to make lunch with. So we ended up just getting fast food... thinking I would be good and make an awesomely healthy dinner. However plans changed suddenly, at the last minute and I still hadn't gone to the store when I needed to have dinner done. So it was fast food again. UGH!!

Then, to make matters worse, even though I know about my issues with working out at home, that doesn't get rid of them. I still have yet to do anything. Although I did print out some new workouts, so I'm hoping I can get something done this weekend so it's not a total wash. Luckily, I've not been eating much candy, like hardly any at all, and I have been 3 full months with no soda! So it's progress, but slow progress.

I'll get there one day!

tee hee!



The time has come....

 

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings."

—Through the Looking-Glass

 

I am not sure why, but this quote has been stuck in my head. I've been thinking a lot about my blog lately, and that I might want to do a little more with it than just my weight loss journey. Don't get me wrong! This is the whole reason I started the blog to begin with, and it will still be the main theme. But I'm also wanting to add things... recipes, pictures, crafts maybe? I'm not sure. But the name of the blog is Fat to HAPPY... and I would like to share things that make me happy. So that's the plan... I will start to add to the blog once in a while, when the mood strikes. Because I like variety dammit.

 

So, back to the weight loss part, now that I've said that, I'm stuck! Help! LOL Geez! I had my weekend off (which I get every other weekend) and it seems like if it wasn't nailed down, I ate it! We had fast food about 3 times I think, and I also ate a bunch of candy. Did I mention I made cupcakes for poker on Saturday, and ate a few (okay probably 4) of those? Let's add on top of that the fact that I'm out of my water pill. Wonderful.

 

I also discovered something about myself, something to add to my ever growing list of weirdness. I am too self conscious to exercise.... what?? Yeah I know how stupid that sounds. Like really, really stupid. But it's true. I could be at home, totally alone, no windows open where someone could see in, and I'm still too self conscious to work out! I think that's why I haven't' actually started walking too... because I don't want to be seen outside. Someone save me from myself, I swear. And I think, even acknowledging that, it's not going to help. I don't think a work out buddy would be beneficial either, because I would constantly be comparing what I can (or more likely can't) do with them.

 

So what do I do? I haven't figured that out yet, but I have to do something. I'm destroying myself and I know it's stupid, but I can't seem to help it.

Would you believe it if I said SQUIRRELS were involved?



So, I have ADHD... sometimes it's worse than others. Lately it's been worse. I didn't realize it'd been over 2 weeks since I'd last posted anything. Probably a good thing though, since a fat lot of NOTHING has happened since the last post. So, I will fill you in on what did happen, and explain my SQUIRREL problem.

Right after I posted last, I did the jumping jack and squat thing for about 2 days... but it was pretty inconsistent. After trying, and doing well at work, I would quickly fizzle at home (not sure the logiv there) and then stop... and when I was out? Forget it! I'm not doing jumping jacks in a public potty.... that's just weirder than I wanna go.
 


The portion control thing works pretty great when I'm on my work schedule. But on my nights off? HAHA forget about it! Might as well through that crap right out the window! Is that a candy bar? Hand it over! In fact, I'll take 2 please! Shit.




As far as posting... well... the SQUIRRELS... I can explain... so my friend Karen and I talked about our ADHD once, and how it seems like we start with one thing, and then (without finishing) we jump to something else, leading to several things, before jumping to the first to finish, and eventually finishing (or not) all. We kinda named them SQUIRRELS. While this has never usually been a problem for me, something I just laugh about and go on, it's kind of put a damper on the blog thing. I'm going to get better at this! I figured having a computer at the house again would make it better, not actually worse. But hey... we will see what happens. I've set reminders all over the house. Something will be shiny enough to catch my attention. ;)




So what am I doing now? Well, on the 12th, the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans started a new challenge requiring groups. Unfortunately, due to the fact that I was working for a few minutes (tee hee), I didn't get grouped with Karen. However, the group I am in is amazing, so it's just as good! I am super grateful for Adah, Becky, Cassondra and Jill! Anyway, each week we have challenges that we have to fulfill. Last week, the group had to set our own challenge, which we decided to track all of our food. And I did it all week, didn't skip a day! I lost 2.4 pounds too. (Doesn't really count though because I gained back a bunch when I was a slacker lazy ass, so I have to try really hard to lose it plus lol).




Anyway, sorry for the long post! Next time I won't wait 2+ weeks, and it'll be shorter!

I think I might be on it again

Wow... I'm not sure if that title sounded good or bad lol. The first few days of March were kinda crappy, as we got a huge weather system in that produced an inch of sleet/ice and then 6 inches of snow over the course of the weekend. I had planned to start walking, because the weather had been in the 50's and 60's the days before that. Stupid Oklahoma weather... GAH! But, the weather will be warming up again by the end of the week, so I will get my fat ass out there and start walking. I also started doing 10 jumping jacks and 10 squats every time I go to the bathroom (after obviously, or that would be messy). Anyway, that will add up over the course of the day, I just have to figure out how to keep track of it. Any suggestions??

I'm also going to cut my portions, and start tracking again... I did much better when I tracked. I know it's important, even if what I'm eating might be a Twix or something, I could see it, and know what was going on. Flying blind is not a good idea.